Are you a healthy young adult who can work an eight-hour day? Do you have few other responsibilities you'd have to tend to if you weren't at a job all day? Are you smart and able to effectively communicate in the English language? Then call us now and collect YOUR disability!
     Sick, sick people. Are you serious? I have grown so jaded of this country's lousy compensatory systems for lazy people who need anything BUT assistance. You say you're disabled, eh? That's what that piece of paper says too, I bet. That's what you wave in front of the nurse, that's what you make sure you have when you visit the office that cuts your check. It's the Golden Ticket and you've found it; now you get to see the inside of the Disability Factory, where all the money is sucked away from programs that need it, printed onto little checks made of 24K gold, and mailed to you, the lucky recipient. Except you're not lucky. Anyone can get that check, it seems. Scratch that, if you NEED it, chances are you're going to have to prove it. How fair is that? It seems like everyone else who collects it stubbed their toe out front and figured, "Hey, while I'm here..."
     You broke your wrist. How sad. Take five years off from work, courtesy of the federal and state taxpayers. Does your knee hurt? Oh let me get that for you for the next, say, ten years. Your lower back is in pain? That sounds like a lifetime of compensation for you!
     You want to know what disability is? You were in a car accident and became a quadriplegic. Do you know what that is? That's when your arms and legs don't hurt because they're PARALYZED...FOREVER. Becoming blind, that's a disability. It's kind of hard to adjust to not being able to see after you have been seeing. Being mentally retarded is a disability for self-explanatory reasons. "My wrist hurts" is not a disability. "I can't stand up for long periods of time" is not a disability. Your wrist hurts? USE THE OTHER HAND. I'm pretty sure a right handed person can talk on the phone with their left. If you can, you can have a job! I'm pretty sure some jobs involve sitting most of the time. That's what I'm doing right now, and my back is fine. Nausea, burning, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea? Swallow a cap of pink bismuth and you're good to go...to work, that is.
     How pathetic are you of a person to sit at home for four years because you broke your wrist? I know you don't care, but I have to ask the question anyway. It's like a formality. That way, I have a record of how shitty your character is. "But sir, construction work was my livelihood, now that I can't lift, I'm dead inside." Too bad you weren't dead outside, then we could save that money and give it to someone who deserves it. Funny how you can't work and yet you have four kids...two of whom were born AFTER you started collecting disability. Yes, that smug smile on your face says it all. Shithead. My livelihood is eradicating people like you, but since I don't want to go to jail, I had to find something else to do. You should too. Be a telemarketer, a greeter, fold clothes, be a movie extra, lean signs against your body while cars drive by and honk at you. Homeless people do it. Homeless people work more than you do and get paid nothing. They're slaves. They should be freed and let to live in your house. I don't care if you don't agree, you pay for it using my tax money. Ergo, I own your house. Sorry, that's the way it is. At least it should be.
     If you use the system and benefit from it beyond your hour of need, you should have to work for the greater good of the country, hour for hour, for free, until your debt to society is repaid. Think of all the work we could accomplish by holding people accountable for their actions.